Sure, we’ve all had those nights where we’ve partied a little too hard and ended up doing something we regret (like have a Yeti Chug Challenge – don’t ask) and have to pay for it in the morning. No, this is not a political piece, but rather a practical post. Especially considering that it is the eve of Labor day weekend, in which the government decided to give you an extra day off so that you can imbibe barbecue and enjoy those last few days of summer. Thanks to the unions!

Stapleton knows how to throw down!

So anyway, back to my point. You spent all night traveling to different breweries (based on their closing times), or you had a craft beer fest with your friends. The next morning you wake up and feel like you’ve been either hit by a truck, or at the least, you have moth-mouth. What to do? Well, have no fear. I’ve created a matrix of several energy drinks, some which claim to be great at recovering after a night out…so to speak.

I did avoid drinks with high fructose corn syrup, because I don’t like it, and it’s probably not good for you. Yes, I understand that most of the other ingredients aren’t very good for you either, but that’s not the damn point of this post. I judged the drinks on:

• Taste/Flavor
• Effect
• Caffeine Content
• Additional “Nutritional Value”

So here were the contenders:

The first two on my list were pretty self-explanatory, since they market themselves as recovery drinks anyway. Then I decided to throw in Go Fast, since it seemed pretty wholesome, as far as energy drinks go, and the XYIENCE drink, well, it was on sale. Having had a Full Throttle earlier in my youth and deciding that it tasted like ass, I did not include it for this study. Please don’t send me any notes about Team Realtree or the crap that you find on sale at 7-11. Also, don’t ask about RedLine or SpeedStack, because that’s some hardcore shit, and this is a family show.

Anyway, back to the results:

Rockstar

• Taste/Flavor
  • Surprisingly tasty. It tasted like I was actually drinking lemonade. Easy to down first thing in the morning, due to its lack of carbonation
• Effect
  • Not really much of a buzz, which may or may not be good depending on what you’re looking for. If you need a slap upside the head, this is not the drink for you. But if you need something with a little more lasting power, then I’d go for it.
• Caffeine Content
  • 160 mg
• Additional “Nutritional Value”
  • Well, it has milk thistle. And according to this article, milk thistle is good for your liver. It also has L-Carnitine, which allegedly helps convert fat into fuel, in addition to your usual over-dosage of B-Vitamins.

Monster

• Taste/Flavor
  • This did not taste like real lemonade. This did not even taste like fake lemonade. There was some attempt at some time to make it taste like lemonade, I’m sure, but they likely moved on to spend more time on marketing.
• Effect
  • Initial buzz and hyperactivity for a while, then a crash a few hours later. If you need a jolt to get you going, you could do worse. It did warm up my stomach for a bit, so there’s that. Whatever that means. Maybe that’s where the Monster comes from.
• Caffeine Content
  • 162 mg per can
• Additional “Nutritional Value”
  • Well, no milk thistle, but yes to L-Carnitine and B-Vitamins. Similar to Rockstar in that regard, I suppose.

Go Fast

• Taste/Flavor
  • I usually don’t like carbonated drinks (um, besides beer.), but I found the flavor to be rather smooth. Even more so if you go for the coconut drink. Probably the best tasting of the bunch.
• Effect
  • Nothing too jarring. It did its job, and I didn’t get the shakes. I guess it left me pretty even-keeled. That was nice. Says the missus, “it was nice, but if you’re asking someone who drinks two pots of coffee a day for their opinion, well, it’s not going to go well.”
• Caffeine Content
  • 120 mg.
• Additional “Nutritional Value”
  • 75 mg of milk thistle, combined with B-Vitamins. Big fan of the milk thistle, because it’s probably the only thing that might really be of value.

XYIENCE

• Taste/Flavor
  • Well, the “Cran-Razz” tasted like it sounds. Fizzy, and like cranberries. Probably not as bad as the Monster, but pretty far down there. It’s endorsed by the UFC? Maybe they don’t really care what things taste like as long as it helps them caress opponents beat the shit out of their opponent.
• Effect
  • Left me very jittery, but kept the buzz going for quite some time. Probably the best choice if you’re looking to keep it going, or if you’re looking to ease off of meth.
• Caffeine Content
  • 11.5 mg per oz. Huh. Time for a little math. 11.5 x 16 = 184. Oh balls. 184 mg. That explains quite a bit. Good thing I saved this for last, or else it might have ruined the effect of the others. Pretty much the highest out there, unless you go for the “2X” brands, or, like the missus, go through a pot of coffee a day.
• Additional “Nutritional Value”
  • L-Carnitine. Inositol. Glucuronate. The usual.

Final Verdict:

It’s a tough call, but I guess it really depends on what you’re looking for. If you want flavor, the easy choice is Rockstar Recovery. If you want effectiveness at the slight expense of flavor then XYIENCE is the way to go. Monster? If it had some milk thistle, then I guess I could justify it’s mediocre taste, although many seem to like it..  Go Fast? Overall, a very solid entry. Not spectacular in any way, but also not going to let you down.

If I had to pick a winner?

Fill the fridge, you drunkards!

It was close, because Go Fast had the best overall combination of everything, but the Rockstar Lemonade flavor put everything over the top. But just by a wee bit. I wouldn’t disparage you for choosing the Go Fast. (Especially the Coconut Flavor).

Now go and enjoy your weekend! I know I will.
You’re welcome. (For those of you in the Denver market, it’s on sale at Soopers.)