One Day All Seven Will Die
Most of you know me as “the meTal guy.” Many of you know me as “the beer guy”. Some of you don’t know me at all. You were on the interwebs, and you ended up here. And that’s fair. I drink/brew a lot of beer and listen to quite a bit of metal. By the way, you should check out the new Amon Amarth. Yes, it’s Viking metal, but goddamn, does it deliver
Anyway, yesterday Prince passed away. Apologies to Joanie Laurer, aka Chyna, (btw I do have her Playboy stashed away, don’t tell the missus), but his passing was kind of a big deal to me. Big enough to dust off the blog. Big enough to break out my guitar, head to town, and load up on some fresh strings. Beware people, I’m coming back with a vengeance. I used to play a bit more at my last job. Not so much at my current one. Maybe just the Christmas concert, but anyway, I digress. I guess you could say this whole post is a digression.
Anyway, I’m sitting here with a Raspberry Brett from Crooked Stave (see what I did? Minnesota friends, help me out. Some Fulton, Summit, Surly, whatevs. Email me. You know the usual channels.), and I’m wondering why Prince’s passing got to me. More so than Bowie. (Note: I could have done an entire post on him as well, as I likely identify more with Bowie, but he had the “benefit” of passing first.) Then it came to me. Prince demanded perfection out of everyone. He expected everyone’s best. He also expected that same perfection out of himself. He was the perfect example of someone who leads by example. Every performance, he delivered, because it was his duty. “Here’s the show; I won’t let you down.” Small venue, Superbowl. No matter. It was his obligation. You never heard about him stumbling onstage or showing up late. “You wanted a good party, dammit, I’m giving it to you.” I’m not doing a top 10 thing. You all know what he’s done. It’s fantastic shit. Just listen to Sign ‘O The Times and tell me that wasn’t musical genius. Yes, yes, Purple Rain.
He was also socially awkward as fuck. Maybe you were lucky to get a few words out of the dude. After a show, all he wanted to do was groove, and play some pool. I get that. In my “pay the bills” profession, I have to put on a show every day from 9 to 5. I don’t have the option to retreat, but music is often my spaceport. I wanted to say escape instead of spaceport, but maybe swype knows me better than I know myself. I deal with that awkwardness, and it works. I think.
But anyway, back to Prince. Weird dude with insane talent. Insane. Best guitarist? Arguable. Best musician? There’s a short list of people who can just pick up an instrument and master it in a few days. That was his outlet. That was what made him “normal”. If only we were all blessed to have such an outlet.
Ultimately, all I ask is that you embrace the weird. The unusual. The awkward. Lady Gaga, too, while we’re at it. Sure, it’s different, and you may not know how to process it, but that’s OK. We’ve had to do that for centuries.
And listen to the new Amon Amarth. It’s really that good. And I’m brewing “Purple Reign”. A red ale with blueberries. Be ready.
Airing of Grievances!
Well, it is the Festivus season. Yeah, I guess this could be a Christmas post, or, I guess this could be a Samhain post, but, given the fact that last time I celebrated Samhain I was called into the principal’s office (something about kids pretending to light themselves on fire to celebrating the coming dark times), I think I’ll stick to Festivus.
And what better way to celebrate Festivus than by attending the Denver Beer Festivus? The missus bought us VIP tickets for Christma…er, (the holidays?) and we spent a pleasant Saturday afternoon braving Über (pleasantly affordable! Let me know if you need a code!) to get there are back.
In all honesty, Festivus was pretty awesome, but in true Festivus form, here are my grievances:
- There was no Festivus pole at Festivus.
It’s like celebrating Hanukkah without a menorah. Like Christmas without a drunken uncle. Do better next time, people. Special props though for Mad Lib postcards. Uh, apologies in advance to my friends who might get a card in the mail. I wrote them towards the end of the evening, and they were only a dollar. - Politicians.
Can we not see past party lines for the greater good? Assholes. Seriously, I love how you continue to waste my money yet do nothing for me. That goes for both sides of the aisle. My anger is bipartisan, unlike the schmoes who vote down party lines regardless of the issues. Oh, and please stop trying to fix things like you “fixed” the US education system. #TheSystemHasFailed - Breweries not bringing their A game!
In fairness, 95% did, and they were awesome! But, it was kinda sad to see those who could have done better in Festivus bring their backup beers. (You know who you were. Yeah, you brought stuff that is available year round in all liquor stores. Shame on you. Especially as “bigger name” breweries.) To clarify: it wasn’t the little guys; they showcased their hearts out, and did an awesome job doing so. It was tough picking out the best of the evening, but in no particular order:
Former Future, TRVE brewing, Copper Kettle and Vine St. Pub for their Imperial Stouts. Wow. This is a great winter for imperial stouts. Suck it, everywhere but Denver!
StrangeCraft Beer Company’s Gingerbread Brown
Caution: Brewing’s Bourbon Barrel Toaster Bat
Prost Brewing’s Dopplebock (what do you mean there wasn’t any dopplebock being served?! Uhh…) - The douchebag who left this card instead of an actual tip (although I appreciate the humor):
- Awesome collaborations when I’m out of town!
To Fiction Beer Co: You should have checked with my schedule before releasing a Donut Bourbon Porter fermented with Maple Syrup. (Collaboration with Glazed and Confused.) I’m leaving on the 20th of December, and that’s when your collaboration takes place.What’s that? You open at noon? Hmm…I guess my bus doesn’t leave until 1, so maybe this has a happy ending after all. - The fact that my cat eats the dog food, then craps all over the place.
Seriously man. You’re old. You have old cat cat food. Eat that, not the dog food. And for THE LOVE OF GOD USE YOUR LITTER BOX! - Notre Dame football.
Get rid of Brian Kelly already. You can’t f*cking lose to Northwestern. Ever. Or L’ulville. Or Arizona State. Or Tulsa. Or Navy. Or USF. RUN THE DAMN BALL! - The fact that I can’t remember who brewed the Galaxy/El Dorado IPA. Damn, that was good, and I didn’t write it down. If you’re reading this, let me know. Then send me a sixtel. Please.
- The fact that autocorrect wants to autocorrect sixtel. Learn your units of beer measurement!
The River Runs Red
Red is in, right? I mean, has it ever really gone away?As we were brewing our most recent homebrew, I got to thinking, what are the top 5 Red things of all time? In no particular order:
- Red Sonja
- Sure, the comic is cool, but how can you deny the acting magnificence involving both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Brigitte Nielsen?
- Eric The Red
- When you’re too rough even for Nordic times and they have to send you away, well, I guess you’ve gone and written your legacy. “Hey, so, um, instead of killing and pillaging, why don’t we just go on a boat ride?” Seems to be a popular theme among explorers – thank goodness we don’t do that anymore. Siring (<–a term I’m sure they probably used back then) Leif Ericson is another feather in your cap (Leif the Lucky? Not as cool.), as is being in Marvel Comics. I’d like to be in a Marvel Comic one day. Hey, he was cool enough for Odd13 Brewing to name a beer after him, so there’s that too.
- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- I’m a fan of funk. I like my funk, well, funky. The RHCP are the epitome of funkiness. Now, you’d probably think that this is going to deviate into an article about sour beers and Belgians and what not, but no, we’re going to play that game some other time down the road. Although I find that Freaky Styley is a great album to just groove to, I’m more partial to Mother’s Milk. More so than Blood Sugar Sex Magik? Ooh, that’s a tough call.
- Redheads
- Red Ales
- I like red ales; mostly because of the color, but in general, the malt profile is usually pretty tame, allowing for a lot of room for play with hops and yeasts and what not. So, OK, I guess this list was in some sort of particular order, but hey, this is mostly a beer blog, right?
What the missus and I decided to do was to brew a fresh hop red ale using hops grown from our very own garden. That meant some Columbus, Cascade, Sterling, and Nugget fresh hops. Yeah, it could end up being a little stanky. But in a good way, right?
Anyway, here’s the recipe we used for the red ale (5 gallon batch):
- 8 lbs. 2 Row
- 1 lb. CaraAroma
- 8 oz. CaraFoam
- 8 oz. Melanoiden Malt
- 0.5 oz Columbus (for bittering)
Then a whole mix of homegrown hops. How much? Not really sure, but it ended up tasting pretty good.
I guess the moral of the story is – don’t be afraid to use homegrown hops, and just throw them in. It didn’t ruin the beer or give it any additional off-flavors, aside from the unusual gnat drowning in his own happiness. Unless you have fancy science equipment, you’re not really going to know the IBU’s of your beer. If you’re a little unsure of how things are going to turn out:
- Add a little bit of pellet hops. As shown above, I added just a bit for a baseline bitterness.
- Dry hops slowly, so that you don’t overshoot it. Once you have your hops, break up the collection into thirds. Do a third early in secondary, let it sit for a day, take a taste. Add another third, wait another day, and taste. Repeat until desired flavor is achieved. Although, I have noticed that fresh hops mellow a lot sooner than dry/pellets, so going a little over probably wouldn’t be a bad thing. I will likely go this route next time.
A project, and Another Recipe!
Our last batch of brew, while tasty, looked a little cloudy. That’s not cool. You can’t really share a nice IPA and tell someone, “Uh, don’t worry about the way it looks. It’s really good.” Just doesn’t work. The other option is to make sure they drink it out of the bottle, which is usually OK. In any case, we decided to take the next step up and build a mash tun. Think about it logically:
You need something to collect the liquid, while straining out the mash.
You need to keep the temperature fairly constant during this time.
I saw directions online to build a mash tun out of a water cooler, and it seemed fairly straight forward. Turns out it was.
Well, now that I have a new mash tun, I have to go an use it, right? This time I came up with the following, with some help from Nick at The Brew Hut:
Here’s the mash tun in action!
After about 10 days, our SG is at 1.014, and we’re ready to go. We’ll dry hop with Galaxy. Look how clear it is!
About a week later, FG is 1.012 and we’re ready to bottle. Yeah! (Looks like we ended up at about 7.5%)
Until next time!
What is a Tommyknocker?
Some people tend to complain about the winter time. Something about being cold, and not much fun. I tend to disagree. Winter time is totally awesome! Not just because that is when stouts and barleywines tend to be released, but also because you can spend some time on the mountains!
Since the snow had been coming down locally since like, oh, October, we had the feeling that this would be a good snow season, and man were we right! This past weekend we went to Loveland Ski Area to enjoy the fresh powder. Loveland is a great place to ride. It usually only takes about an hour to get there.
Three hours later…we arrived. (Who knew all of Denver would think it a good idea to hit the pow as well?)The missus, the kid, and our boards (witness the assembly of my board here.) were ready to enjoy a great day out.
After a few crashes hours, we were ready to head in for an afternoon snack. One of the things we like about Loveland is the fact that they serve Tommyknocker beer up in the lodge. Let me tell you, nothing soothes a sore body better than an IPA. It’s the analgesic properties of hops, I suppose. Look it up, it’s science. I strongly recommend the Pine Bough Pale Ale, brewed to commemorate the Loveland Ski Area’s 75th Anniversary.
A few more tumbles down the mountain, and we were ready to go home. Before our final destination, however, we made our usual stop at the Tommyknocker Brewery in Idaho Springs. The kid loves the mac and cheese (the Kraft kind, mind you), and mom and dad enjoy the beer. It’s right off the freeway, and we can spend some time not sitting in traffic for a while.
What is a tommyknocker, you ask? Well, according to Wikipedia, a tommyknocker is some sort of mischievous mining elf, similar to a leprechaun. From Wikipedia:
Their name comes from the knocking on the mine walls that happens just before cave-ins – actually the creaking of earth and timbers before giving way. To some of the miners, the knockers were malevolent spirits and the knocking was the sound of them hammering at walls and supports to cause the cave-in. To others, who saw them as essentially well-meaning practical jokers, the knocking was their way of warning the miners that a life-threatening collapse was imminent.
But if you ask me, a tommyknocker is a Stephen King creation that scared the crap out of me when I was younger. Anybody else remember this?
Seriously, Stephen King made a habit of scarring my formative years. I’m looking at you, Pennywise.
Anyway, back to the brewery. Super laid back atmosphere, serving sizes to feed pretty much anyone on this side of corpulent (seriously, I couldn’t finish the nachos), and tasty beer. My go-to is usually the Butt Head bock, where as the missus tends to prefer the Black Strike IPA.
While we were there, I enjoyed The Legend™, which was Tommyknockers’ 2oth anniversary imperial brown ale. Brewed and aged with Hungarian Oak, this beer had a bit of bite at 10% abv.
Looks pretty thick, but light on the tongue, which is pretty nice. It’s definitely a beer that will age nicely, and I’m glad that I was able to take home a 4 pack.
Later that night, I had strange dreams about mischievous creatures trying to eat me, and I couldn’t find the keys to the alien spaceship.
No clowns, though. It was like I was back in middle school.
New Years’ Revolution
As the new year dawns, we tend to think about ways we can improve ourselves, either by exercise, or eating better, or some other such nonsense. I say, “screw that!” Let’s turn the world upside down with some revolutionary thinking! What kind of thinking? The absolutely genius kind, of course.
To that end, I have two pretty genius ideas that I’m willing to share with you. Know that by continuing to read, you acknowledge that the ideas contained herein are my intellectual property, and, at the very least, you should acknowledge my awesomeness when you steal adapt my ideas for your personal gain.
Ready? OK. My first idea is:
Suds.
Do you hate going to the laundromat? I sure do. You sit and wait, often for hours on end, listening to the screaming kids, the thwopping noise coming from the dryer, and oh my God is that some random pair of tightie-whities? Nobody needs that. However, if you were to be able to enjoy a nice stout while your BVDs rotated through the spin cycle, well, that would be even better. Worried about customers paying in quarters? Use a card system. The only problem will be deciding whether or not to pay for the extra rinse on your pants or to order another pilsner.
(Apparently Casey from Station 26 Brewing tells me that such a place already exists. I dunno. I’ve found Laundry Cafés and Laundry Bars, but not Laundry Breweries. Suds Brothers, however, does exist, but I don’t think that they dabble in detergents.)
Do you find it strange how CrossFit gyms seem to open up right next to breweries? (Maybe it’s the other way around, I don’t judge.) Anyway, wouldn’t it make sense to kind of combine the two together into one megaplex of awesomeness? Yes. My second idea:
Glutes
Hear me out. After busting out a deadlift PR or finally hitting that 36 inch box jump, you want to reward yourself with a tasty Dunkelweizen.(Deadlift Dunkel – eh? It practically writes itself!) Yes, I know the Paleo-CrossFitter types might not agree, but they can go enjoy a tepid glass of milk. (Free-range, of course.)
Why go through the hassle of looking for a brewery to celebrate, when you can just cross over to the bar and toast with your fellow lifters! Aren’t really into weightlifting, but want to cheer your friend on? You can do so without feeling out of place, like at so many of those CrossFit gyms where outsiders aren’t welcome. Glutes will be for all. If you really want to branch out and think “outside the box”, then you can make it a Gluten-Free Brewery.
Boom. Glutes is now a play on words, in more way than one.
Yes, I know there are logistical issues, like people maybe hitting the brewery first then trying for a snatch PR, but I’m just the idea guy. We’ll let the legal department figure it out. Maybe you have an ID card that works for both places that tracks time. I dunno, I don’t want to spend too much time on the details. With a monthly membership good for one free beer per visit, it’s sure to bring up everyone’s PR.
What do you think?
Neil Diamond and the Bilbo Baggins Restaurant
Sometimes my travels take me to some interesting places. Last week I had the fortunate opportunity to visit Alexandria, VA. As it was elevenses, I was in the mood to take in some local beer food, and, after some careful Yelping, found The Bilbo Baggins restaurant in Old Alexandria. Wait, a Bilbo Baggins restaurant? How did I not know about this?! Yes. It’s a restaurant themed after The Hobbit. Not like the new Peter Jackson “I’m going to make shit up and painfully stretch things out” Hobbit. No, like “The Hobbit.”
Neil Diamond’s “Cherry Cherry Christmas” is the backdrop for my late morning/early afternoon meal. While some may regard Neil Diamond and Smaug in the same light, I didn’t seem to mind the music. Here. Have some Neil Diamond.
OK, first the food.
As soon as I sat down, they offered me what looked like some jalapeño cornbread. I’m not really a bread guy, but I do love my spicy foods, so I gave it a shot. Ooh, definitely spicy. But in a good way. And hey, even if you’re not into corn, it serves some sort of gastronomic purpose, so I ended up taking a few bites. Then I had to check out the menu.
So many cool-named foods: Gandalf’s Pie, Smaug’s Delight, Salad Nicoise. I mean, who thinks of these? I decided to go with Frodo’s Pie: a pizza consisting of spicy beef and pork meatballs, tomato, mozzarella, and parmesan cheese. Even Beorn himself couldn’t resist! Light, fluffy thin crust. Slightly taken aback by the spiciness of the sausage – Hobbitses must like their foods spicy. Even though it was only 10″, I could not finish.
Of course, there was a massive beer menu. When I visited, there were about 12 beers on tap, and another 4 pages of beers available for consumption. With so many choices, it was almost hard to decide. Almost.
I decided to pair Frodo’s Pie with The Hoppit from Moa Brewing Company. Apparently this was brewed specifically for the Hobbit Movies. Nelson hops dominate the overall flavor (of course you were going to get NZ hops!), and there is a really good citrus/malt balance. The 8% abv is slightly noticeable, but I thought the spicy/dry fruity hops played well with the sausages, and had this been the end of my daily travels, I might have had another. I mean, the name alone makes it worth drinking. I didn’t see any Smaug Rauchbiers though, as that would have been pretty sweet. Avery Brewing has a beer named after Trogdor, so I guess that’s going to have to be close enough.
My travels through middle earth were over for the day, but should I find myself back in VA, I’ll definitely stop back for some more grub. Now more Neil Diamond Christmas:
The Great Pumpkin Beer
It seems like everyone is churning out pumpkin beers these days. While it IS fall, and the pumpkin is a great symbol of our American identity (moreso than smallpox, I suppose), I think we’ve just about hit the saturation point.
That said, I had some pretty good pumpkin beers this year. All suceed in paying tribute to the orange gourd. Some, like Dry Dock and Southern Tier, excel in creating a pumkin pie dessert beer, while others create a more balanced pumpkin experience with their herbal blends. In no particular order my top five this year:
Avery – Rumpkin
Dry Dock – Imperial Pumpkin Ale
Epic – Fermentation Without Representation
Southern Tier – Pumking
Upslope – Pumpkin Ale
I wanted to focus on those you can get in store, but for the record, you can find some pretty good ones at your local brewery. Sadly, I’ve also hit some not-so-good ones.
But even better than finding a great pumpkin beer among many impostors is finding a great pumpkin in a sea of mediocre ones. That’s right, I’m talking about going to a pumpkin patch. I recommend Rock Creek Farm. Easy to get to, and prices that can’t be beat. With a stick. With a stick containing a nail driven though the business end.
Some of you might say that you can just go to your local grocery store and buy a pumpkin. Shame on you. I think Dave Mustaine eloquently wrote about you in “Countdown to Extinction.”
So back to the pumpkin:
I’m a purist when it comes to pumpkins. I believe a properly picked pumpkin should be both spherical and appropriately colored (a majority of orange, and a hint of green to take you through the Day of the Dead.)
All that is left to do is to crack open a Rumpkin and sit by the porch to wait for the Great Pumpkin. At the very least, he will commend you on your sincere beer selection.
What say you? What’s your favorite pumpkin beer?