Well, it is the Festivus season. Yeah, I guess this could be a Christmas post, or, I guess this could be a Samhain post, but, given the fact that last time I celebrated Samhain I was called into the principal’s office (something about kids pretending to light themselves on fire to celebrating the coming dark times), I think I’ll stick to Festivus.
And what better way to celebrate Festivus than by attending the Denver Beer Festivus? The missus bought us VIP tickets for Christma…er, (the holidays?) and we spent a pleasant Saturday afternoon braving Über (pleasantly affordable! Let me know if you need a code!) to get there are back.

In all honesty, Festivus was pretty awesome, but in true Festivus form, here are my grievances:

1. There was no Festivus pole at Festivus.
   It’s like celebrating Hanukkah without a menorah. Like Christmas without a drunken uncle. Do better next time, people. Special props though for Mad Lib postcards. Uh, apologies in advance to my friends who might get a card in the mail. I wrote them towards the end of the evening, and they were only a dollar.
2. Politicians.
   Can we not see past party lines for the greater good? Assholes. Seriously, I love how you continue to waste my money yet do nothing for me. That goes for both sides of the aisle. My anger is bipartisan, unlike the schmoes who vote down party lines regardless of the issues. Oh, and please stop trying to fix things like you “fixed” the US education system. #TheSystemHasFailed
3. Breweries not bringing their A game!
   In fairness, 95% did, and they were awesome! But, it was kinda sad to see those who could have done better in Festivus bring their backup beers. (You know who you were. Yeah, you brought stuff that is available year round in all liquor stores. Shame on you. Especially as “bigger name” breweries.) To clarify: it wasn’t the little guys; they showcased their hearts out, and did an awesome job doing so. It was tough picking out the best of the evening, but in no particular order:
   Former Future, TRVE brewing, Copper Kettle and Vine St. Pub for their Imperial Stouts. Wow. This is a great winter for imperial stouts. Suck it, everywhere but Denver!
   StrangeCraft Beer Company’s Gingerbread Brown
   Caution: Brewing’s Bourbon Barrel Toaster Bat
   Prost Brewing’s Dopplebock (what do you mean there wasn’t any dopplebock being served?! Uhh…)
4. The douchebag who left this card instead of an actual tip (although I appreciate the humor):
   

   I guess I get it – he left a tip!

5. Awesome collaborations when I’m out of town!
   To Fiction Beer Co:  You should have checked with my schedule before releasing a Donut Bourbon Porter fermented with Maple Syrup. (Collaboration with Glazed and Confused.) I’m leaving on the 20th of December, and that’s when your collaboration takes place.What’s that? You open at noon? Hmm…I guess my bus doesn’t leave until 1, so maybe this has a happy ending after all.
6. The fact that my cat eats the dog food, then craps all over the place.
   Seriously man. You’re old. You have old cat cat food. Eat that, not the dog food. And for THE LOVE OF GOD USE YOUR LITTER BOX!
7. Notre Dame football.
   Get rid of Brian Kelly already. You can’t f*cking lose to Northwestern. Ever. Or L’ulville. Or Arizona State. Or Tulsa. Or Navy. Or USF. RUN THE DAMN BALL!
8. The fact that I can’t remember who brewed the Galaxy/El Dorado IPA. Damn, that was good, and I didn’t write it down. If you’re reading this, let me know. Then send me a sixtel. Please.
9. The fact that autocorrect wants to autocorrect sixtel. Learn your units of beer measurement!