Airing of Grievances!
Well, it is the Festivus season. Yeah, I guess this could be a Christmas post, or, I guess this could be a Samhain post, but, given the fact that last time I celebrated Samhain I was called into the principal’s office (something about kids pretending to light themselves on fire to celebrating the coming dark times), I think I’ll stick to Festivus.
And what better way to celebrate Festivus than by attending the Denver Beer Festivus? The missus bought us VIP tickets for Christma…er, (the holidays?) and we spent a pleasant Saturday afternoon braving Über (pleasantly affordable! Let me know if you need a code!) to get there are back.
In all honesty, Festivus was pretty awesome, but in true Festivus form, here are my grievances:
- There was no Festivus pole at Festivus.
It’s like celebrating Hanukkah without a menorah. Like Christmas without a drunken uncle. Do better next time, people. Special props though for Mad Lib postcards. Uh, apologies in advance to my friends who might get a card in the mail. I wrote them towards the end of the evening, and they were only a dollar. - Politicians.
Can we not see past party lines for the greater good? Assholes. Seriously, I love how you continue to waste my money yet do nothing for me. That goes for both sides of the aisle. My anger is bipartisan, unlike the schmoes who vote down party lines regardless of the issues. Oh, and please stop trying to fix things like you “fixed” the US education system. #TheSystemHasFailed - Breweries not bringing their A game!
In fairness, 95% did, and they were awesome! But, it was kinda sad to see those who could have done better in Festivus bring their backup beers. (You know who you were. Yeah, you brought stuff that is available year round in all liquor stores. Shame on you. Especially as “bigger name” breweries.) To clarify: it wasn’t the little guys; they showcased their hearts out, and did an awesome job doing so. It was tough picking out the best of the evening, but in no particular order:
Former Future, TRVE brewing, Copper Kettle and Vine St. Pub for their Imperial Stouts. Wow. This is a great winter for imperial stouts. Suck it, everywhere but Denver!
StrangeCraft Beer Company’s Gingerbread Brown
Caution: Brewing’s Bourbon Barrel Toaster Bat
Prost Brewing’s Dopplebock (what do you mean there wasn’t any dopplebock being served?! Uhh…) - The douchebag who left this card instead of an actual tip (although I appreciate the humor):
I guess I get it – he left a tip!
- Awesome collaborations when I’m out of town!
To Fiction Beer Co: You should have checked with my schedule before releasing a Donut Bourbon Porter fermented with Maple Syrup. (Collaboration with Glazed and Confused.) I’m leaving on the 20th of December, and that’s when your collaboration takes place.What’s that? You open at noon? Hmm…I guess my bus doesn’t leave until 1, so maybe this has a happy ending after all. - The fact that my cat eats the dog food, then craps all over the place.
Seriously man. You’re old. You have old cat cat food. Eat that, not the dog food. And for THE LOVE OF GOD USE YOUR LITTER BOX! - Notre Dame football.
Get rid of Brian Kelly already. You can’t f*cking lose to Northwestern. Ever. Or L’ulville. Or Arizona State. Or Tulsa. Or Navy. Or USF. RUN THE DAMN BALL! - The fact that I can’t remember who brewed the Galaxy/El Dorado IPA. Damn, that was good, and I didn’t write it down. If you’re reading this, let me know. Then send me a sixtel. Please.
- The fact that autocorrect wants to autocorrect sixtel. Learn your units of beer measurement!
New Years’ Revolution
As the new year dawns, we tend to think about ways we can improve ourselves, either by exercise, or eating better, or some other such nonsense. I say, “screw that!” Let’s turn the world upside down with some revolutionary thinking! What kind of thinking? The absolutely genius kind, of course.
To that end, I have two pretty genius ideas that I’m willing to share with you. Know that by continuing to read, you acknowledge that the ideas contained herein are my intellectual property, and, at the very least, you should acknowledge my awesomeness when you steal adapt my ideas for your personal gain.
Ready? OK. My first idea is:
Suds.
Pretty sweet logo, eh?
Do you hate going to the laundromat? I sure do. You sit and wait, often for hours on end, listening to the screaming kids, the thwopping noise coming from the dryer, and oh my God is that some random pair of tightie-whities? Nobody needs that. However, if you were to be able to enjoy a nice stout while your BVDs rotated through the spin cycle, well, that would be even better. Worried about customers paying in quarters? Use a card system. The only problem will be deciding whether or not to pay for the extra rinse on your pants or to order another pilsner.
(Apparently Casey from Station 26 Brewing tells me that such a place already exists. I dunno. I’ve found Laundry Cafés and Laundry Bars, but not Laundry Breweries. Suds Brothers, however, does exist, but I don’t think that they dabble in detergents.)
Do you find it strange how CrossFit gyms seem to open up right next to breweries? (Maybe it’s the other way around, I don’t judge.) Anyway, wouldn’t it make sense to kind of combine the two together into one megaplex of awesomeness? Yes. My second idea:
Glutes
I’ve been busy designing sweet logos.
Hear me out. After busting out a deadlift PR or finally hitting that 36 inch box jump, you want to reward yourself with a tasty Dunkelweizen.(Deadlift Dunkel – eh? It practically writes itself!) Yes, I know the Paleo-CrossFitter types might not agree, but they can go enjoy a tepid glass of milk. (Free-range, of course.)
This idea is Arnold-approved.
Why go through the hassle of looking for a brewery to celebrate, when you can just cross over to the bar and toast with your fellow lifters! Aren’t really into weightlifting, but want to cheer your friend on? You can do so without feeling out of place, like at so many of those CrossFit gyms where outsiders aren’t welcome. Glutes will be for all. If you really want to branch out and think “outside the box”, then you can make it a Gluten-Free Brewery.
Boom. Glutes is now a play on words, in more way than one.
Yes, I know there are logistical issues, like people maybe hitting the brewery first then trying for a snatch PR, but I’m just the idea guy. We’ll let the legal department figure it out. Maybe you have an ID card that works for both places that tracks time. I dunno, I don’t want to spend too much time on the details. With a monthly membership good for one free beer per visit, it’s sure to bring up everyone’s PR.
What do you think?
He is Risen!
OK, so most of you know that I like beer. I do drink a lot of beer, but I like to think of it as “research”. As a homebrewer, you have to try out different stuff. It’s good for the palate, and the imagination. And, as you undoubtedly know, I am a fan of metal. 3Floyds in Munster, IN is at the convergence of beer and metal. What happens when they put together a festival combining beer and metal? Well, I have to go.
One Bad Dude.
Dark Lord Beer is released once a year, on Dark Lord Day. Dark Lord Day is like Easter. Like a malty, oil-dark, cherry-noted, viscous, 15% ABV kind of Easter. It’s a resurrection of sorts, seeing how it’s the only time of year that 3Floyds releases the beer. This is my third year going to DLD, but it was clearly one of the more adventurous, uh, adventures.
What I brought for my friends.
Before any good adventure begins, one must do a lot of packing.
Living in Denver affords one the opportunity to heavily consume sample quite a few good beers. I decided to make a care package to take to Chicago, but since many of the more popular breweries now export to Chicago, I packed a sampling of cans and tastes that were not readily available.
Plenty from my local favorites, including Renegade Brewing and River North Brewery. (Had the festival been a little later in the month, I likely would have brought over some Mexican Chocolate Stout from the CKBC, but, oh well…)
After packing, I headed to the airport. I love going to the airport. I don’t know what it is about the airport: security lines that last forever, free frisking (seriously, all you have to do is ask!), people watching…whatever, you can do it all at the airport, and have a good meal while you’re at it!
Well, when I landed, I realized that I forgot to pack one important thing…
Yep. The tickets.
Jesus Christ! (See, this is about Easter!) What kind of idiot forgets his tickets?! Oh, yeah, this one. Here are some sample texts, for your amusement. Here’s how the situation unfolded, for your amusement…
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- Sometimes, words aren’t necessary…
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- Note the exclamation marks. For emphasis.
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- And that’s how long it takes to overnight things from Denver to Chicago.
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- The system works! One hour early, too!
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- Phew! Thought I’d be sitting in the car all day. Looks like we’re open for business!
So anyway, back to the day itself. Welcome to the town of Munster, IN! We started with a Bean Gene from Revolution Brewing, and it pretty much went downhill from there…thankfully I took notes. (Don’t worry – I shared with all of my friends!) I think the best part of this event was the fact that you could also get some Dark Lord on tap – why waste bottles? Good move, 3Floyds…was that an option last year? I can’t remember.
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- The line to pick up some Dark Lord. The guy behind me wore a Jigglypuff shirt. Rad.
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- One (of several) beer tents. You could trade bottles, buy food, and other assorted stuff.
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- Man down! A little vanilla bean Dark Lord was sacrificed.
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- This is how people in the Midwest wind down…
Anyway, here’s a list of what we “sampled”, courtesy of Untappd:
- Bean Gene, Revolution Brewing
- Hoppenberg Uncertainty Principle, River North (popular with the Midwesterners)
- Double Trouble, Founders Brewing
- 3rd Year Bear, Rum-Barrel Aged Barleywine, Revolution Brewing
- Dark Lord 2013 (Available on tap! What?), 3Floyds Brewing
- Barrel-Aged Hell’s Black Intelligencer, 3Floyds Brewing
- Elevated Wood, Renegade Brewing (Oak aged Elevation)
- Behemoth, 3Floyds Brewing
- Tiberian Inquisitor, 3Floyds Brewing
- Calumet Queen, 3Floyds (you know, to class it up a little)
- 120 Minute IPA 2012, Dogfish Head Brewing
- Sexual Chocolate, Foothills Brewing
- Dark Lord Cognac de Muerte (So glad I have a bottle of this waiting at home…), 3Floyds Brewing
- Parabola (2012), Firestone Walker Brewing
- Barking Squirrel Lager, Hop City Brewing Company
- Dark Lord With Vanilla Beans, 3Floyds Brewing
- Zombie Dust, 3Floyds Brewing
- Gumballhead, 3 Floyds Brewing
Pig Destroyer, um, “destroying.”
Oh my.
Did I mention that there was music? Here’s a picture of Pig Destroyer tearing it up. I must say, I saw a Pig Destroyer video for the first time last week, and found it to be mildly disturbing (more the latent subtext than the video itself). Find “The Diplomat”, if you’re interested.
Anyway, between Bloodiest, Sweet Cobra, Municipal Waste, and Pig Destroyer, you could say it was a pretty full day. With an after party of burgers, brats, White Castle and Old Style awaiting, we had to head on home.
Well, there you go! If you want professional reviews of how things went, you can probably google it.
Oh, and I brought some stuff home, as well:
Some Zombie Dust, Alpha King, Dark Lord (duh!) Permanent Funeral, Toxic Revolution, and other goodies.
Happy Birthday Copper Kettle (Episode III)
A little bluegrass for your ears, provided by the Acoustic Mining Company
Welcome to day three of the Copper Kettle’s birthday beer bash!
Yesterday, there was a beer-off. Mystery brewers brewed five beers, and the public voted for the winner. Through some deductive reasoning, we were able to figure out the following:
- The Strawberry Rhubarb Saison was brewed by Paul. I voted for the Strawberry Rhubarb, but we’re not telling him, because it will only go to his head.
- The Pecan Wood Smoked Brown Ale was brewed by Gordon. My better half voted for this one.
- The Lemongrass Ginger Wit was authored by K2, but brewed by Gordon.
- The India Alt Ale (called so because of the extra hops in a regular Altbier) was brewed by Jeremy.
- The Dark Belgian (a close, close second, IMO) was brewed by K1.
The winner of the brew-off was Kristen (K1, if you will.) Congratulations! A cask of the Dark Belgian was available today (there might still be some if you RIGHT NOW!) Congratulations for everyone, though, because it was definitely a tough decision to decide amongst all of the beers.
Today a Bourbon Barrel Baltic Porter was released. If you know me, you know I like a good Bourbon Barreling. Today’s offering was no exception. As we were enjoying some food from the Eighty Ate food truck, (we love their sliders), the skies started to cloud up. Then it started to rain. The Acoustic Mining Company headed indoors, and the party kept on going.
Tomorrow is the last day of the party – definitely for the Barleywine lover! Everyone who like a good Barleywine will agree that Sundays are the best days for Barleywines. The Biscuit Bus will be there, and there will again be some good music.
River North Anniversary Party!
“It was pandemonium!”
Well, things got a little crazy these past few weeks, which is a shame, because we’ve gone tons to tell you. Metric tons! Anyway, I thought I should actually blog something useful, so the missus and I decided to attend River North Brewing’s 1st anniversary party.
Oh yeah, I took this gig very seriously.
The roses say, “he’s totally serious.”
I broke out my bowtie, and this nifty little notebook. You can’t help but realize that a man wearing a bowtie and writing into a pink notebook with little roses means business.
Anyway, back to the party. I love River North. They’re my kind of nerds. Beer nerds. Math nerds. Enginerds. Math nerds and Enginerds who brew great beer.We showed up at about 5 o’clock, and the place was more than bumpin’. It was packed. The barrel room was loaded with your average assortment of hipsters, dudes with mohawks, Nick from TRVE Brewing, and everyone in between. A regular crowd, I suppose, for downtown Denver.
Yes. The glass is empty. The bottle, however, is full and currently resides at home.
We started with (of course) a glass of the Anniversary Ale. The Belgian yeast left the ale pretty smooth, and we couldn’t believe that it was 12.5% ABV. (Note: As of this publishing, there are very few bottles left.)
“It was an amazingly easy drinker,” said the missus. Ten minutes later, we agreed that it was indeed 12.5%. Still, it was delicious nonetheless. Around this time we headed back over to the barrel room, where we found an older couple looking for a lost leather jacket. More on them later.
In addition, I saw something pretty interesting aging in a barrel…I had a picture of it, but I figured since RNB hasn’t announced what it was yet, it wouldn’t be cool of me to show the picture. Needless to say, we were intrigued.
Deliciously delicious.
Next up was the Barrel Reserve. The Barrel Reserve is a combination of their Quandry quadrupel (9.6% abv), J. Marie Saison (7.5% abv) and their black IPA, Hello Darkness (6.2% abv) aged in a bourbon barrel. Heaven in a glass. The missus says in a year of aging, it will really be special. I tend to agree with her. (Note #2: Barrel Reserve will be available in bottles this upcoming weekend!)
At this point we decided to pony back over to the bar to gather some intel. I introduced myself to Nikki (taking a guess on the spelling – apologies if I got it wrong. I guess I’m not as professional as I thought.) I told her I was an algebra teacher, she said she figured, because of the bowtie. Score another point for the bowtie. Not only is it an attention-grabber, but it lets people know that I mean business. Math business.
Anyway, she points out that it was absolute chaos in the taproom for quite a while. “Our sales record was beat in 2 hours.” Based on the crowd we saw that night, we were not surprised.
On Velocity vs. Speed: “Velocity.”
We then spoke with Matt and Jess Hess, the owners of River North. Matt is a former Lockheed chemist, and Jess is a vet. Based on their beers, my wife and I decided that they made a good career switch. We then spoke with Grant’s mother. Grant is a bartender at River North, and she offered me some of her wings. After initially refusing for fear of getting myself ridiculously dirty, I threw caution to the wind and decided to join in. They were awesome! Crispy on the outside, juicy and tender on the inside.
We’re making friends! And on a happy note, the man looking for his lost leather jacked found it. Everyone wins!
After leaving with a bottle of the anniversary ale, we decided a good time was had by all. Definitely one of my favorite places to stop when I’m in the city…now I need more excuses to be in the city on a regular basis.
Hops Spring Eternal 