Airing of Grievances!
Well, it is the Festivus season. Yeah, I guess this could be a Christmas post, or, I guess this could be a Samhain post, but, given the fact that last time I celebrated Samhain I was called into the principal’s office (something about kids pretending to light themselves on fire to celebrating the coming dark times), I think I’ll stick to Festivus.
And what better way to celebrate Festivus than by attending the Denver Beer Festivus? The missus bought us VIP tickets for Christma…er, (the holidays?) and we spent a pleasant Saturday afternoon braving Über (pleasantly affordable! Let me know if you need a code!) to get there are back.
In all honesty, Festivus was pretty awesome, but in true Festivus form, here are my grievances:
- There was no Festivus pole at Festivus.
It’s like celebrating Hanukkah without a menorah. Like Christmas without a drunken uncle. Do better next time, people. Special props though for Mad Lib postcards. Uh, apologies in advance to my friends who might get a card in the mail. I wrote them towards the end of the evening, and they were only a dollar. - Politicians.
Can we not see past party lines for the greater good? Assholes. Seriously, I love how you continue to waste my money yet do nothing for me. That goes for both sides of the aisle. My anger is bipartisan, unlike the schmoes who vote down party lines regardless of the issues. Oh, and please stop trying to fix things like you “fixed” the US education system. #TheSystemHasFailed - Breweries not bringing their A game!
In fairness, 95% did, and they were awesome! But, it was kinda sad to see those who could have done better in Festivus bring their backup beers. (You know who you were. Yeah, you brought stuff that is available year round in all liquor stores. Shame on you. Especially as “bigger name” breweries.) To clarify: it wasn’t the little guys; they showcased their hearts out, and did an awesome job doing so. It was tough picking out the best of the evening, but in no particular order:
Former Future, TRVE brewing, Copper Kettle and Vine St. Pub for their Imperial Stouts. Wow. This is a great winter for imperial stouts. Suck it, everywhere but Denver!
StrangeCraft Beer Company’s Gingerbread Brown
Caution: Brewing’s Bourbon Barrel Toaster Bat
Prost Brewing’s Dopplebock (what do you mean there wasn’t any dopplebock being served?! Uhh…) - The douchebag who left this card instead of an actual tip (although I appreciate the humor):
I guess I get it – he left a tip!
- Awesome collaborations when I’m out of town!
To Fiction Beer Co: You should have checked with my schedule before releasing a Donut Bourbon Porter fermented with Maple Syrup. (Collaboration with Glazed and Confused.) I’m leaving on the 20th of December, and that’s when your collaboration takes place.What’s that? You open at noon? Hmm…I guess my bus doesn’t leave until 1, so maybe this has a happy ending after all. - The fact that my cat eats the dog food, then craps all over the place.
Seriously man. You’re old. You have old cat cat food. Eat that, not the dog food. And for THE LOVE OF GOD USE YOUR LITTER BOX! - Notre Dame football.
Get rid of Brian Kelly already. You can’t f*cking lose to Northwestern. Ever. Or L’ulville. Or Arizona State. Or Tulsa. Or Navy. Or USF. RUN THE DAMN BALL! - The fact that I can’t remember who brewed the Galaxy/El Dorado IPA. Damn, that was good, and I didn’t write it down. If you’re reading this, let me know. Then send me a sixtel. Please.
- The fact that autocorrect wants to autocorrect sixtel. Learn your units of beer measurement!
Fade To Black: A Brewtal Night
Rottenness opening things up.
You know it’s a good night when you:
- Beat the Rep from Revolution Brewing in Street Fighter
- Attend a “brewtal” metal concert
- Attend Left Hand’s 20th Anniversary Party
What a way to start GABF!
The original plan was to spend all night at #BondedByBeer, a concert sponsored by TRVE, 3Floyds, Surly, and Real Ale Brewing. How could you not? I mean, especially when the beers available were:
From TRVE:
Tunnel of Trees
Grey Watcher
Stout o)))
From Real Ale:
Iron Swan
Hans’ Pils
Fireman’s #4
From Surly:
Pentagram
Misanthrope
Cynic
Bitter Brewer
Overrated
Hell
Coffee Bender
From 3 Floyds:
Zombie Dust
Alpha King
Gumballhead
Broo Doo
Thankfully, I’ve enjoyed all of TRVE and 3/4 of 3Floyds’ offerings reside in my basement, so I spent most of my time enjoying offerings from Surly. (Hey Surly, when are you coming to Denver?!)
Somewhat related: drinking a Coffee Bender is a good way to find yourself awake at 1 am. Nothing good happens at 1 am.
Anyway, as I said, plans change.
I love video games, and I love Revolution Brewing. They are a great Chicago brewery. When I heard that Revolution would be taking over 1up , we had to stop by to pre-party.
During our stop at 1up, Aimee, the Revolution rep challenged me to a game of Street Fighter for beer. This was the moment I had trained for all my life! Foolishly, she chose Chun Li, the champion of button mashers world-wide. Not knowing her skill level, I countered with Vega. Speed vs. Speed. Then this happened:
It pretty much happened this way. The video showing the beat-down is being used as blackmail. We’ll see how that turns out.
My reward: a nice Oktoberfest, and the knowledge that Revolution is hoping to be in the Denver market by 2014.
After leaving 1up, we went to the concert (btw, I still need a date for Saturday’s concert with Trivium and DevilDriver) across the street at The music was in-your-face, the beer, even more so.
After I polished off my can of Cynic, a great farmhouse ale, we took off to Left Hand’s 20th Anniversary Party. (I was given a pair of tickets – cool!)
Unfortunately the line was long, but by the time we got in there was still plenty of beer to be had. We had our own Fade to Black vertical of volumes 1-5, with No. 3 being my favorite (the pepper porter), and the missus choosing No. 4 (black ale) as hers.
During our cab ride home (side note: Uber Denver does not seem to work on the Sprint network…) we both decided that we maybe took on a bit more than we could chew. One event probably would have been enough.
We’ll see.
Imperium! A homebrew recipe.
I haven’t posted in a while. My basement flooded in “The Great Flood of 2013”, and I’ve been a little busy with that. (I’m mostly done. Mostly.)
However, GABF is right around the corner and I’m planning on hitting several events: a face-melting concert spearheaded by TRVE and 3Floyds, Left Hand Brewing’s 20th anniversary party (I got tickets!), and multiple vertical/horizontal tastings throughout the city. Liver be strong!
Until then, how about a homebrew recipe? This is an Imperial Southern Brown named, Imperium. If you’re a fan of either ancient Rome or Fear Factory, then it makes total sense.
13 lb Pale Malt (2 row)
2 lb Brown Malt
.25 lb 120L
.25 lb 80L
2 lb Country Made Syrup
What is Country Made Syrup?
This.
I found it in The South. Not sure what an acceptable substitute would be.
1 oz. Phoenix hops @ 60 mins
0.5 oz Phoenix @ 30
0.5 oz Phoenix @ 15
Anyway, we did a 90 minute boil to get an OG of about 1.092. For something this massive, we pitched it right on top of a yeast cake created by a fresh hop (starter beer?) at 60°. Yep. Low and slow. It still nearly exploded, so make sure you have a blow off!
A few weeks later we were at 1.012 and ready to bottle! So, um, not quite a fall beer, as it will hit its peak sometime in January or February. Next time we will age with bourbon.
Try it out!
#1 Classic Metal Album Type Post
So, when I started this, it seemed like a good idea. You know, drink beer, listen to metal, and rank the top five albums of all time. Then it became kind of like when you’re walking by oh, I don’t know, Cluck U, and you see their wing challenge.
“No problem, I’ve got this.”
Yeah, they were hotter than they looked.
8 wings in, your stomach burns, your nostrils burn, and you’re worried about what the other end is going to feel like in the morning.Well, much like eating an insanely hot pile of chicken wings, and about halfway through you realize what a stupid idea it was, there I was with my metal list.
We all know a great top five. We all probably agree on a top five. We “know” what should be #1, so why make another list? Ah, but, I’ll be drinking beer! Meh. Everyone drinks beer, right? Good beer? Not so much, I suppose. Anyway, here’s a recacp:
#5 – Paranoid, Black Sabbath (Firestone Parabola)
#4 – Cowboys From Hell, Pantera (Avery, uh, everything)
#3 – The Number of the Beast, Iron Maiden (Avery Mephistopheles)
#2 – Rust in Peace, Megadeth (Dry Dock Bligh Barleywine 2011)
Pretty intense, right? So you’re thinking that Master of Puppets should be #1. Awfully predictable. Well, I’ll tell you why it won’t be #1. You’ll disagree, and you’ll be mad about it, and you’ll spend your night being angry about the fact that someone on the internet is wrong. Eat me.
I poured some for the missus, because sharing means caring.
But before I point out the number one classic metal album of all time, I’ll let you know about the #1 craft beer of all time. (Right now) What does one pair with such a masterpiece of an album? Well, if you live in the Midwest, I know what your answer would be…but I don’t live in the Midwest. Oh, wait, what’s this? That’s right. I’ve got one! (Multiple, actually.)
That’s right. Some Dark Lord Imperial Stout, from 3Floyds. Where did I get this? Dark Lord Day, of course! Why do I like Dark Lord Day? Well, I’ve always been a fan of Snape, but that’s beside the point. It’s a Midwest gathering of beer geeks and metal. That’s me! I’m a beer geek AND I like metal.
Why is Dark Lord so tasty? Well, if you like a bomber of viscous, sludgy beer, like listening to Baroness, then, my friend, this is the beer for you. If you like a full-bodied beer that masks its 15% abv well, then this is for you. If you’re a fan of silky smooth cherry sweetness, well…you get the idea. It’s about as well made as it can be.
Says the missus, “It’s like a strange, dark cocktail.”
But anyway, back to the album(s):
Yeah, it would have been easy to go with Master of Puppets. I mean, look at the album cover, for one. The contrasting colors, the message delivered by the field of white crosses, while And Justice for All sticks with the whole “Justice is Blind” theme. I posit that the cover hits at a deeper, more intellectual level. At least, that’s what I’m thinking about 1/3 of the way through the bottle of DL.
Hey, is that Jenna Louise-Coleman on TV? Wow. Huh. There might be another duel coming: JLC vs. Karen Gillan. (No contest for now, gingers trump all.) We can all agree that David Tennant was a better doctor than Matt Smith (right?), although the latter, like myself, has done a great job of bringing bow ties back. “Bow ties are cool.”
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Karen Gillan.
Gratuitous Karen Gillan shot.
No, wait, Metallica. And Justice For All
Here are the reasons why I think it’s better:
- It’s musically more complex
- Song length (yes. Admittedly, I am a prog fan, but you can’t shorten them without removing their essence.)
- Conceptual Uniformity
- One
Blackened starts out rather soothing, then slams into quick intensity. You’re on a ride the entire way through (as I listen to “Harvester of Sorrow”, I wonder if it is my favorite on this album? No, I think it’s “Frayed Ends of Sanity”…I think) until you hit “To Live Is To Die”, and well, you all know about that one, so I won’t go into it. “Dyers Eve” is a great finish to the album. Ignore the production, because this is the eponymous classic metal album. (Like that? I didn’t even use the thesaurus.) This is not a thrash album. No, you can argue that Master of Puppets was the quintessential thrash album, but, And Justice For All is the #1 classic metal album of all time.
Well, that’s all for this list. Will I make another list? I dunno, maybe someone can give me some inspiration. As for the future, there’s some blogging to be done about some brewery’s 2nd birthday, cooking ribs, and a black metal pig roast.
Stay tuned!
Hops Spring Eternal 
