There are few things in life that are legitimately bad ass. Neither your colleague who mentions the intro to Roundabout by Yes, nor the intro itself, are bad ass. Mustaches, also not bad ass.
I stand corrected. This mustache is pretty bad ass. Maybe it’s because I can’t really grow one.
As far as music goes, there’s one band that comes to mind when I think of bad ass. They happen to have the #4 album on my list.
In a most curious of happenstances, my local beer garden, the Lowry Beer Garden, is having an Avery tap takeover all day. Avery by my estimation, is certainly the most bad ass of beers. Sorry, Coors. (No, I’m not sorry.) I won’t lie – Avery is probably my favorite brewery. Depends on the day, but everything is so high quality that it’s tough not to like them.
So here’s my plan: head to the LBG, drink some Avery beer, and listen to my #4 metal album of all time:
Cowboys From Hell!
Better than Far Beyond Driven? Yes, and no. I’ll grant you that FBD is more brutal by comparison, but CFH announces to the world, “we’re taking over this town.” Although, I do admit that the video for 5 Minutes Alone is probably one of metal’s finest ever. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m7njvwB-Ks) Have a better video? Let me know!
Boulder Weisse, Boulder Weisse You seem happy to see me!
I think the Von Trappe family sang about this beer…right? Yeah, it’s that scene right before they run away from the Nazis and hike over the Swiss mountains. Nuns somehow, channeling the power of their Lord, remove what looks like a massive part of a car…with their bare hands! I guess nuns can be bad ass.
Anyway, the Boulder Weisse. Aged in an oak barrel with Brett yeast, the Boulder Weisse is rather tasty. I didn’t get any ask for additional flavoring, because I wanted to enjoy the simple awesomness of the beer. Light, a good start. Deliciously bubbly, something pleasant to ring in the new (brew) year.
The missus had to get one as well. She really likes sour beers. More so than I do.
Wife: “It’s a good sour beer. Not too tart, but just right.”
I can go with that.
I like a good sour beer from time to time, but generally I tend to shy away from them. This one, however, was rather light in its sourness, which made it pretty yummy delicious. Can I say yummy and still be bad ass?
Next up:
Ale to the Chief!
What’s Ale to the Chief? Well, it’s an ale that’s apparently only broken out every four years. At least that’s what I’m told.
Ale To the Chief, He’s the chief and he needs ale-ing!
It’s bold, like Harrison Ford in Air Force One, (Get off my plane!) who I believe to be a more bad ass Commander-in-Chief than Bill Pullman in Independence Day, who was pretty solid himself. Especially when he’s all, “today, we celebrate, our independence day!”
Either were a darn sight better than Kevin Kline.
At 8.5%, it’s not for the faint of heart. You’ll notice the food. Delicious sweet potato fries. I’m going to need a bit of food. Did I mention that the Lowry Beer Garden has great food? I didn’t? Well, they do. While my favorite is the sweet potato fries, their fried pickles are pretty solid as well. And, if you’re a teacher, they give a sweet discount on food. Absolutely a place to go to for your beer/food fix if you’re on the east side.
Anyway, Ale to the Chief.
I guess it’s hoppy, but not by Avery standards, as they seem to like to take things up a notch more than what you would expect.
I would totally vote this beer into office, if one could do such a thing. One can, right?
Wife: “It’s like Bill Clinton. Smooth and unassuming, it will get you in the end.”
Hey-yo!
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.
Next up: Out of Sight.
The Maharaja and Out of Sight
Outta sight!
Stout with coffee. Smells like coffee. Tastes like coffee. Can’t get my home-brewed version to be this coffee-like.
The missus absolutely had to go with The Maharaja. It’s her favorite Imperial IPA, and she blames me for not reminding her about the release party a few weeks earlier.
Wife:*glare* Why do you refer to me as “wife?”
I love, love, The Maharaja as an Imperial IPA. Would be a strong running mate with Ale To The Chief, if you don’t mind being ruled by an emperor. (Adam A., make it happen!)
I think I have room in my belly for one more. While there were 17 total Avery beers on tap, I’ve had most of them. (All of them, after tonight) But one seems to escape me for some reason. Either it’s out when I drive up to Boulder, or it simply isn’t available:
Tweak.
Apparently they wanted to call it Meph Addict (since it’s Mephistopholes Stout brewed with coffee), but for some reason they decided to pass on that name.
Tweak!
Wow.
Massive.
Damn.
15% abv, 100% awesomeness in each sip.
The missus went with Hog Heaven. It’s a great Barleywine, both malty and hoppy, and a perfect example of how Avery can go bold but create for the masses, but back to the Tweak.
This is amazingly chewy. Coffee flavor still not as strong as Out of Sight, which was like drinking a coffee plantation, but still noticeably present. Glad I went with this for my dessert. I now realize that there’s some leftover cheesecake in my fridge at home.
Wife: “Oh man, that’s got a nice nose. I wouldn’t call it dessert, though.”
I guess we have different opinions on dessert…
Crap. I was supposed to cover Cowboys From Hell. Guess I’ll do that later, especially since there was no Uncle Jacob’s stout.
[to be continued…]
[time passes…]
aaand, we’re back!
Epic!
And I’m home.
Uncle Jacob’s Stout.
Uncle Jacob’s Stout is arguably the best release of 2012. After grabbing a few over the summer, I put them away to let them mellow. Tonight, I just had to crack one open.
[Takei] Oh my. [/Takei]
Still quite fierce, but what would you expect at 17.45%? Honestly, it tastes like a 12%. Anyway, like I’ve said before, Avery has a gift. They can take high abv beers and still make them chewy and delicious.
This beer is like the bully in high school that said, “I’m going to beat you up, and you’re going to like it.” Except for the fact that I actually do like it. What, I was the only one?
The part that makes it really awesome is the smell of bourbon emanating from the glass. Bourbon has grown on me, despite an “incident”, where I mysteriously ended up on my porch at 4 am after being introduced to it. You smell the bourbon, but it doesn’t overpower at all. At. All.
Wife: “It has a nice vanilla flavor to it. It’ll really be nice in another year.”
This is why it was the obvious choice pairing for Cowboys From Hell. Like Pantera, Avery beers get better with age.
On to the album.
Cowboys From Hell
Anselmo wailing, Dimebag…also wailing, this pulls no punches from the start. Although, these kids on YouTube do a pretty good job of covering the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j1VcYDa2dg
Wife: “I don’t know.”
Primal Concrete Sledge
Gets right to the point. 2 minutes and change of terror. Uncle Jacob still smooth. Topping off.
Psycho Holiday
I’ve seen Pantera categorized as “Groove Metal”. With this tune, I can see why. Amazingly catchy, and now I think I need to top off with the last of the Uncle Jacob Stout.
Wife: “I was watching them (points to tv) make peach ice cream.”
Heresy
Oh, Dimebag. You left us too soon. At about the 3 minute mark, things change up, and I’m a big fan. Love it when bands do this. You’re going one way, then, whoah! The missus is really invested in what’s going on with the Cooking Channel right now.
Cemetary Gates
Don’t talk to me about the spelling. I know how to spell cemetery, but that’s how it’s spelled. Reminds me of This Love, but more, I dunno, epic.
Wife: “It’s quite nice.”
Domination
Man, I wish I could play. I’d probably play this all the time.
What about Shattered/Clash With Reality/Etc? Pretty solid, but right now I’m feeling the need to move ahead because I’m 1. running out of battery power, and 2. working up a nice buzz from the stout.
Huh. Apparently on the Cooking Channel, there’s a TV show where Mo Rocca invades grandparents and cooks with them. I don’t know how I feel about that. “Hey, I’m Mo Rocca. Let me into your kitchen. Tell me about the [insert historical event] that happened in ought-something…”
The Sleep
This one seems like the only one on the album that doesn’t seem uniquely “Pantera”. I don’t know why. It’s a solid song, probably fitting for where I am in the evening. Ah, nice and calm. I like a slow groove from time to time. Still, something I…
Oh my God, that grandma on tv just made something that looked like something the cat (Captain Fatass) threw up.
Wife: “They were called butter babies.”
The Art of Shredding
Ah, now this is back to sounding a little more Dimebaggy.
End Result:
Avery Brewing – Awesomely awesome, with moments of brew-tality.
Pantera: Equally as awesome, more brutal than the beer.
Hops Spring Eternal 